so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
