Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
