Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
