youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
