I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
