I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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