we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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