I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
