That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
