But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
