Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
