I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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