They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
