it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize