if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
