Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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