In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
