I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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