I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
