you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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