I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
