i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
