RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I want to be your penis for a week.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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