I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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