I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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