ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
