I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
