That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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