I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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