sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
