Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
