I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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