I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
