Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
