Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
