BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
