Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
