3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
