How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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