Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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