I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
