just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
