Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
