Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
