Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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