I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
