if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
