Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
