All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
