i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
