Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
