i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
