i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
