Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
