SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Barsexuality is the new black.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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