I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
