Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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