My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
