I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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