I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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