please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
