we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
