Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
how drunk are you?
Several
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
