If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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