oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
