they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
