She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I need water and some morals
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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