: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
