Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
