would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize